Toadless in Toledo

I like playing Scrabble. The intellectual challenge, while narrowly focused, is almost always enjoyable. Sure, there are times when you're staring itchy-eyed at a rack full of i's and u's, cursing the gods of distribution, and wondering what's new on Netflix. But mostly I look at such circumstances as an opportunity to be creative and clever. From such desperate times words like VUG and TUI are discovered.

I really like playing Scrabble with my friends George and Tom. The mental challenge remains strong, but the geeky fun of discussing words and etymologies, real and fanciful—especially fanciful!— can be as much fun as a drunken game of spoons.

And then there are the weird discoveries. According to The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary (OSPD), Fifth Edition, there is a remarkably small number of objects or feelings you can be without. For example the word TOADLESS exists, meaning "Having no toads," but there is no entry for FROGLESS. Apparently one can never be without frogs. There is an entry for FISHLESS, but not FOWLESS. Nor can you be CATLESS, DOGLESS, COWLESS, PIGLESS, or CLAMLESS. Somehow each of us always possesses at least one of these animals, and myriad others.

You can also be LOVELESS, but not HATELESS. It seems we must retain at least a dab of hate at all times. That would explain a lot.

You can be SUCKLESS, although inexplicably that is defined as "Having no juice." Let your mind wander.

There are far too many other examples to count. (The OSPD usually doesn't have words longer than 8 letters, so we may never know if one can be GIRAFFELESS.

What's the point of all this? Not much except whiling away a few spare minutes. I do wonder about the circumstances that led to the need for creating the word TOADLESS. "Excuse me, but I'm lookin' for a load of toads? You got any?"

Maybe some things are meant to stay a mystery. I guess I'll turn my mind to other fascinations, like the word REBOZO. Yeah, that's real.